Thursday, April 10, 2008

Stress

I have 4 months. Writing that down and thinking about how each week goes away so quick with seemingly only a bit of my thesis work getting done each week doesn't help the stress. Added to that is the job hunt which I have to begin in maybe 2 months. That and the impending continuing days of slogging required to get it done, really buoys up one's spirit. But then I say, its not that bad. Or if it is, fuck it! Its not worth screwing up into a ball for if thats what it does to you. Stress is a funny thing. Its probably the only way you can get work done but if its not controlled, it can make you quite unhappy indeed. One way to go about it is living the moment. Living each day. Work hard, get stuff done, motorcycle, have almost zero social life and still be at peace. This place really, really helps. Especially if you have a motorcycle and love nature. There is so much freedom when you have a vehicle. You can go anywhere the road leads you, and here it usually leads to somewhere pretty and isolated so that you can just be with absolutely no one around.

Today I realized how antisocial I am when I was told so. Apparently I am the guy in the lab who just keeps working and doesn't talk much. Well I go to lab to work and no I don't like talk much when I have work to do. But I guess its true. I am quite antisocial. I mean I did go over the last weekend with talking to only 2 people for less than 5 minutes over the phone. Thats the nice thing about having a room mate who lives in the lab and comes home maybe once in 2 weeks. But it also was by choice. All the things that I wanted and made me happy, I could do by myself. But yes, though I am quite antisocial, and in some ways I do value my time alone very much, I realize that I do need to socialize. As a friend once said, its what people do. It does make me happy to cook for someone else once in a while or watch a movie with a friend. Or to talk to someone about how he was once in a jail in Turkey or how people can get so attached to a mound of grass that they had been sitting on for years. Occasionally.

This is something I can meet half way:

"There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep Sea, and music in its roar;
I love not Man the less, but Nature more."
-Lord Byron